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April 2014

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Destiny's doings

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever wonder if fate actually exists? If destiny is the moving force that keeps us going, that makes it all fall into place?

I have been almost obsessed with love and being in love my whole life. Right up to the point where I actually fell in love. Or maybe it was somewhere along the track of what felt like my ever-lasting relationship. I fell out of love with love. I stopped thinking about that one person that was breathing somewhere out there in the world. I started to push myself into the remains of my frail relationship. I dug a whole so deep and attached myself to the very bottom of it. It took everything for me to get out of it. When I got out I had lost my love for love. Not too long after…not too long after at all, I regained it. It was too late though. I knew there is no one person for us out there. I really felt it, and even though I might have known and understood it for a very long time but for the first time I actually felt it. I felt that I could fall in love over and over and over again. That's when I realised that destiny does not partake any role in our paths.

But what if it does? What if it crosses our paths together. What if you're not meant to be with only person in the world out there but instead meant to cross paths with a some. What if destiny gives you more than one chance to meet a certain someone. What then?

Doesn't destiny know better?
Yes I am talking about a particular someone. Someone that I was never supposed to be with. Someone that I could never actually BE with. It happened though. Against all odds, for a short period of time but it did, it happened.
The night it happened, after the blooming friendship took a dark turn, I discovered that he was present at a very influential day. A day that challenged my life. That day in the dead sea back in 2006 he was there in the very same hotel I was staying at. But we never crossed paths. He came to AUB he was here during my entire sophomore year. But did destiny not allow us to cross paths? Maybe destiny waited right until I realized I deserved better to introduce us. To put make us breathe the same oxygen. Even though i know realize meeting him at any other stage of me life would have results in the same things. Every single time.

When people are together they change a lot. And it is only when they change at the same pace in a similar way that they are able to stay together and make it work. But is it not strange to change at the same pace in a similar manner without even having known each other.

All in all its just one thought after the other. Whatever happened is already over before it even truly began. Every kiss. Every touch. Every memory underneath the moon light. Gone.